Archive for May, 2011|Monthly archive page


In Conciousness, Uncategorized on May 26, 2011 at 4:39 am

When you are little, no matter how young you may be, you consider yourself to be all grown up. And then you look back at yourself a year later and realize how immature and silly you were. Ironically, you then consider yourself to be all grown up again, comparing your current self to yourself a year ago.
At least, that was the case for me…

Sophomore year is almost over and now looking back at it, I see how different I am now than I was at the beginning of the year. Of course, in August, I still thought that I was pretty much all grown up. But as the year went on, I made a lot of mistakes and some things didn’t turn out the way I had liked them to turn out. Every time this happened, I would be dismayed and thought “Why did this happen to me?” Of course, as the old saying goes, time heals everything, and it did for me. As time passed, I was able to forget about whatever had happened and move on.

But then as I looked back, those incidents were actually valuable in a way. Once you may mistakes, you know what you have done wrong, so you don’t make them again. And the only way to learn and grow is through experience.

So now, despite how bad I felt after the incidents, I am kind of grateful in a way because now I know that I will never make the same mistakes again. Perhaps this is all a part of growing up.


In Conciousness on May 16, 2011 at 5:34 am

“Plan and follow.” This used to be my life motto for quiet some time. I always liked to plan things out in my hand whether they be short-term or long-term plans. When I was little, I said them out loud to my mom and as I entered high school, I organized them into a words document. It gave me a sense of… relief, knowing that as long as I follow the items on my plan I will be fine.

But as I grew up, especially during my past two years of high school, I realized that things don’t turn out exactly the way you planned. Things that you desperately wished for may not come into your hands or things totally unexpected may strike or welcome you. The first couple of times this happened to me, I was utterly stunned and completely stumped. The pieces of the puzzle I called my plan were scrambled, thrown apart, and I didn’t know how to start again.

But as clichéd as this may sound, what I didn’t realize is that life is full of surprises. Life isn’t just that easy and you never know what’s in store for you in the future. There are unexpected twists and turns that throw you off track and yes, your plan will be obliterated and you may be lost, but you must start again. Everyone goes through this but how you react to it is what makes all the difference.
So that is what I have learned to do. When something doesn’t go that way I thought or planned, I simply scratch those plans off my life and make new ones. My plans always change by the situation and don’t seem like plans anymore. I consider them more as… a stream of consciousness.

Now I live by a new motto: “Do whatever you feel like doing at the moment.” It’s better to just let fate take me wherever whenever instead of living by a plan that may change any moment.

AP Testing.

In Conciousness on May 12, 2011 at 10:23 am

The past few weeks have been very hectic for me. Or at least, I thought they were.

I had my first AP test of my high school career two days ago on May 9, 2011. I took the AP Biology exam, and I thought it went pretty okay. Actually, it was slightly easier than I had expected it to be. But on the other hand, it was also unexpected because the exam barely covered animal physiology and plants which are supposed to make up at least 15% of the exam and instead, ecology made up a majority of the exam.

This was an important test for me as it was the ONLY chance to show what I had learned during the whole year. It was quite frightening to think that all the work I had done during the whole year would be determined by one single exam. Therefore, I was under a lot of pressure and stress. In the process, I think I made myself believe that I was very busy and was pressed for time.

However, now that I look back at it, I wasn’t that busy and I had plenty of time. I actually had less homework and tests than I used to have, and I was pretty prepared for my exam as I started studying for it since mid February. It was my mindset that made me feel so pressured. I simply assumed that AP exams = lots of work & studying = stress. I was the very person who had imposed all the stress on me. If I had positive thoughts and was more confident in myself, I probably would have done as well or even better on the exam without being so despaired.

APs not only provided me with a change to prove my knowledge but also reminded me that how you think about things makes all the difference. I’m done with my APs for this year, but I’ll definitely keep what I learned in mind for next year when I have to take five exams…